Surviving Infidelity in a Christian Marriage

Adultery is something that happens to other people. I never dreamed that it would find its way into our marriage story.

I certainly never imagined that it could be me who stumbled.

In spite of early convictions to never stray, I’d misjudged the strength of the enemy of our souls who constantly prowls. He moves with stealth precision, looking for someone to devour, for unsuspecting souls who think they’re immune to temptation.

I gave him an easy target.

He pounced.

I fell.

That was over a quarter-century ago. By the grace of God, our marriage survived infidelity. In fact, it did more than survive, it has thrived and provided my husband, Mike and I with more than three decades of strength, joy, satisfaction, and partnership.

The Struggles of Marital Separation

In one of the most miserable seasons of my life, I’d lost all hope for our marriage and asked Mike to move out of our home. He obliged. The pain of separation was colossal, bringing a hollow emptiness where despair ricocheted rampantly.

God met us there, in those long weeks of anguish.

Alone in separate beds, without the other knowing, we each turned to prayer. I was untrained and uncomfortable in intercession. Mike was rusty at best. But in the dark of night, we cried out, asking God for His direction and help. We prayed for our marriage, for each other, and for healing within our own hearts.

When we mustered the courage to look into each other’s eyes, we recognized that neither of us was ready to call it quits. Over the weeks and months that followed, the Lord helped us re-establish a friendship and even find laughter. We began attending church and responding to our Savior as He drew us closer to Himself.

Eventually, we started to feel safe in each other’s presence. Our cracked foundation of trust was gradually mended by rekindled companionship and devotion.

But I still held a secret that threatened to destroy it again in an instant. The affair had been over for years by this time, but God was actively pressing in, bringing conviction and prompting me to confess.

When the day came to disclose it all, the Holy Spirit ushered in an indescribable sense of peace. I knew I may lose my family by telling the truth, but God allowed me to feel His nearness and favor. I stepped forward with fear and trepidation but knew the Lord was at my side, leading and guiding each step.

I’ll let Mike share about it in his own words:

When My Wife Confessed Her Infidelity

When Cathy shared that she’d stepped out of our marriage, I was shocked and heartbroken, consumed by overwhelming emotion and pain. I fought against my own pride, thinking, “How could she?!” Almost immediately, the Lord showed me something surprising—that I had a role and played a definitive part in this situation.

I’d become so focused on my career and income that I neglected the most precious gift the Lord had ever provided: my family. Together, Cathy and I shared responsibility for her infidelity. I couldn’t blame her without also blaming myself.

There was no question that this revelation was supernatural. I knew that in my own flesh, I could easily fault my wife. There was a huge part of me that wanted turn my back on her and leave her to face her own consequences. But the Holy Spirit prompted me to stay and to reflect on the strength in our relationship we’d re-established in the past few years. I knew it was genuine and there was no fear of losing her to the other man. The Lord showed me that this part of Cathy’s life was in the past. Her confession was an act of commitment to the trust we’d worked so hard develop. 

My natural inclination to leave was quickly replaced by the need to reclaim what was mine. Instead of turning away, I reached out to her and pulled her close. We prayed, wept, and declared our undying commitment to one another.

The Gift of God’s Healing

Complete healing didn’t come in an instant, but the Lord showed us that we could endure this mess and come out stronger and healthier than ever before.

It may sound surprising, but as we often share when speaking at marriage events, we wouldn’t change the past. Walking through this storm helped us learn to navigate other difficulties in life. We’ve learned to seek the Lord first, to independently agree with God which helps unify us to agree with one another.

We know we’ve been given a second chance to guard and protect the exquisite gift of family. With God’s help, we’ll never let it slip through our fingers again.

The Power of Prayer

Mike and I firmly believe God used the covering of prayer to prepare Mike to hear the truth. I remember the flooding relief that came when my husband turned to me for loving and gentle intimacy on the same night I’d shared my story. God planted a seed of hope that He held our marriage in His hands and that, indeed, it could survive.

God is true to His promises and Mike and I witnessed the transformational work of Romans 12:2 which reads, “do not be conformed to this age but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God” (HCSB).

As I wrote in a recent article just prior to our anniversary,

“Through prayer, God renewed and transformed our minds into alignment with His. We recognized that a whole and healthy marriage was the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Mike and I declare without hesitation that prayer rescued our marriage. We almost lost it all, but the Lord held us together. Our marriage didn’t just survive, it has flourished and prospered, bringing joy and unimagined blessings along the way. Soon we will celebrate our 31^st wedding anniversary and we eagerly await the decades we will continue to add to that number—until the Lord calls us home.

We’re still on the journey of drawing closer to the Lord and each other. Our learning curve is far from over because we’re still two imperfect people doing our best to live together in love and unity. We have a lot of great days but still face some challenging ones too.”

Blessings of Christian Marriage

For years, I believed I was the only Christian on the planet who fell into such disgrace. The enemy was still deceiving, convincing me that I was alone in my struggle. But that was not true. Sadly, infidelity is nearly as prevalent in Christian marriages as it is in secular relationships. God is not surprised and He doesn’t abandon us in our sin. The blood of Christ powerfully covers our transgression and reconciles us to our Holy God.

The vast difference between a Christian marriage and a secular one is the hope of Jesus Christ. He redeems, heals, and restores—if we allow it. Mike and I have learned that surrender to God and His ways brings His partnership, protection, and intervention. The Lord walks us through the highs and lows of life, caring for us with His tender mercy through every season.

Christian marriage can be one of the most fulfilling and joy-inducing gifts in our lives. After all, marriage was the Lord’s idea. He ordained it and intends it to be a blessing, not a curse. He uses every moment—both the lovely and the excruciating—for our good and His glory.

I stand amazed and overwhelmed by His goodness and provision.

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Michael and Cathy McIntosh

Michael and Cathy McIntosh have shared over 30 years together in marriage in their home near Denver, Colorado. By struggling through tremendous adversity, they've learned to keep God at the center of their relationship, which has ushered His joy into their lives. Cathy is the author of women’s Bible studies and devotionals. Mike enjoys his service in law enforcement. They have a heart for sharing their story at conferences, seminars, and retreats.

Latest posts by Michael and Cathy McIntosh (see all)

• Surviving Infidelity in a Christian Marriage - February 21, 2019