8 Dos and Don’ts for Showing Love to Your Man
When I was first married, my love for my husband overflowed from the passion that naturally and frequently flows from new love. But over time, and through seasons of neglect and trouble that come to every marriage, my love reserves began to dry up.
Thankfully, I’ve learned to do some things that serve to rekindle my love, as well as avoiding other things that squelch it. And I’d like to share some of these ideas—set in contrast—with you!
8 do’s and don’ts for showing love to your man (and not necessarily in that order!)
1.Don’t criticize his performance or appearance; but do affirm his masculinity and/or attractiveness.
After a few years of marriage, it’s easy to forget to affirm our husband’s attractiveness. Instead, we often opt to criticize his performance or appearance in some way.
This serves to demotivate our men—often stirring insecurities within their hearts.
Think about this from your own vantage point …
How upsetting is it for you when your husband criticizes your ability or beauty?
I don’t know about you, but I take these kinds of comments to heart—both the criticism and the compliments! They are weighty words from my husband’s lips, indeed!
Yet, King Solomon’s beloved and soon-to-be-wife won his heart by saying things like …
“How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.” —Song of Solomon 1:16 (NIV)
Later in Song of Solomon 5:10-16, she would go on to list all sorts of ways that she found Solomon handsome and desirable.
Consider making a list of all things you find attractive about your guy, then share at least one of them with him every day!
2. Don’t give all your affection to your kids; but do kiss, hug and smile at your mate daily.
It’s so easy to kiss the little chubby cheeks of our children, thereby getting our affection cup filled to the brim, while leaving our hubbies in the dust!
I’m not saying you should push your children away when they need your touch. Just be sure to include your husband in the hugs and kisses being offered on any given day.
3. Don’t leave initiating sex up to your guy; instead, do initiate and prepare in all sorts of ways.
King Solomon’s wife kept the fires of passion burning when she said and proposed this …
“Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.” Song of Solomon 7:11-12 (NIV)
She must have put some thought and planning into this road trip that culminated in lovemaking.
But how often, during childbearing years, does this anticipatory mindset get thrown out with the baby’s bathwater?!
You know the old saying, and it’s true—a woman’s sexual desire is like a crockpot. In contrast, your husband’s sex drive is like a microwave. So turn your “crockpot” on early and let it steadily rise throughout the day. In other words, mentally and physically strategize all day long for the best possible experience.
4. Don’t always fill up your date nights with things you love to do; but do remember to fill it with his favorite activities at least half the time!
Sometimes our marriages grow stale because we simply lose sight of our husband’s desires. This can easily slip into laziness or mindlessness when it comes to your dates as well.
Maybe you haven’t even gone on a date in a while. This could be because of your need for down time as a busy mom. Just be aware that your “down time” could leave your marriage down in the dumps one day!
When was the last time you went to a movie he wanted to see?
How often do you go with him to a sporting event of his choice?
Does he love to hunt or fish? Then consider planning a weekend doing those activities alongside him.
He will notice and appreciate each effort, and feel your love stirring his own.
5. Don’t argue or dismiss your hubby’s ideas; but do ask for and take his advice more times than not.
Most of my female friends are strong, independent women like me. And with that comes the tendency to operate independently from our husbands. But this is one of the worst moves to make in marriage.
God has wired men to value respect and being relied upon, like women value love and connection. So when you respect and defer to your mate, you show him love in a way that means the most to him.
So the next time he asks you to do or view something his way, don’t resist him. As long as it’s a reasonable request, God will honor your submission to him as being ultimately given to “Him” (the Lord).
6. Don’t complain more than you pray; rather, do pray for your husband and marriage daily.
I’ve been praying for my husband and our marriage for over 30 years now, and can clearly see how God used this to protect the love in my marriage. God will do the same with your prayers for your mate!
Don't underestimate the importance of praying for your marriage. Don't leave it to chance. Instead, take your concerns to God. Study His Word and be intentional in showing love to your husband. #IStillDo Click To Tweet7. Don’t talk too much about yourself; instead, do listen more attentively to him.
This isn’t saying you should stay silent, by any means! It’s just that wives need to encourage our often less verbal husbands to open up. They won’t if we keep chatting away.
So I challenge you to learn something new about your guy everyday. My husband and I ask each other, “What was a high and low in your day?” at dinnertime or the end of the day. I guarantee you’ll learn something new about your spouse by keeping this question in play each day.
8. Don’t ruminate on all of your man’s bad behaviors; but do keep a gratitude list going about him.
The Bible reminds us of this powerful principle …
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV)
In other words, if I think my husband is a slouch, he will become one in my heart and mind. If I pay attention and focus on the good in my husband, I will fall more and more deeply in love with him. I will feel greater gratitude for the man God has put in my life.
- 8 Dos and Don’ts for Showing Love to Your Man - February 20, 2019
I struggle with being consistent with several of these. I tend to be all affectioned out with the kids and he has to initiate thigns… and I can focus on the bad rather than affirming the good. Thanks for the reminders.
Yes, that’s such a common issue for young moms and wives, Tiffany! Our kids often get the best of our day and then our mates are given the left-overs. I also struggle with focusing on the bad more than the good sometimes. I’m glad I’m not alone in this struggle, but it can be overcome one loving act at a time! Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation, my friend!
Thank you, Andrew! And I agree! I hope that men realize that women need these kinds of expressions as much as men do! Thanks for stopping by to encourage Angel and me! Praying for you, my friend!
Wonderful suggestions for any of us–whether we’re newlyweds or celebrating our silver anniversary. Blessings, Tammy
So true, Tammy! I just hope that newlyweds recognize the need to keep the “love engine” running smoothly by committing to these kinds of acts of love for our mates. I didn’t realize it back in the day–at least to the degree that I see it now! Thank you for stopping by to encourage Angel and me!
Beth, this is great…and works in reverse for men. I think you’ve improved a lot of marriages here, and saved some.
So many good truths in here, Beth! Sharing on Pinterest and Twitter, and bookmarking it for my own knowledge!
Thank you, Sarah! You’re a great encourager in my life! Have a great rest of the week, my friend!
Thank you Angel and Beth! I need reminders of all 8, but particularly praying for my husband more than complaining. When the scale tips toward the negative things from my mouth more than the prayers I’m speaking, nothing will ever change. Christ transforms us, not people.
And I also need to work on making everything about me. Part of being self-less in marriage is making the conversation and moment about him.
Your neighbor at #sittingamongfriends
I think that one resonates with a lot of wives, Karen. It’s easy to get going and not remember to pray for our husbands, but it makes us sitting ducks as far as Satan is concerned. I’ve felt his sting on many occasion simply because I did not pray for my husband. And I’m with you on being more negative than I should be. We have such power through Christ to turn that around and see the good in our guys, don’t we? Thanks for stopping by and encouraging Angel and me as well! Hugs to you!