How to Stop Destroying Your Godly Marriage

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I wish there were a way to show a before and after picture of marriage… but on the outside it all looks the same. Bud and I have an amazing before and after story. Our before was clearly a cultural marriage. After God stepped in and miraculously changed everything, we have a godly marriage.

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NASB) 20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

I want you to honestly evaluate your marriage

Do you do marriage like the culture around us, or would you say you have a godly marriage?

I believe in being very transparent. When we lay all our cards on the table, God does big things. But when we hold back anything (out of pride or fear), the enemy has this foothold to lay guilt and shame and tarnish what God could do.

In that spirit, you need to know that this is my 2nd marriage. I married my first husband when I was 18. In less than a year, I was back at home, bankrupt, divorced, scared, bitter, and hurting more than I ever imagined possible.

God has taught me how to forgive the hurt and abuse of my past.

He showed me how to take forgiveness from a nice idea – I thought I could never actually accomplish- and He put practical steps to it with Biblical perspective…  The freedom on this side is amazing.

I’d love to share my story of Finding a Pathway to Forgiveness.  It’s yours free!   (Just click the pic 😉 )

A Pathway to Forgiveness Free Downloadable e-Book (

Divorce hurts in ways and places you never dream could ever hurt so bad. I imagine that is why God hates it so much. He loves us so much He never wants us to be in that kind of pain.

The memory of the pain of divorce kept me planted in this marriage – even through unbearable pain.

I remember the year our marriage hit rock bottom. So much had gone wrong and I just knew divorce was inevitable. But I was at the end of my rope – so I tried every last bit of advice I was given or read – and there was a lot of advice Y’all!

  • Wear your hair for him.
  • Dress in a feminine way.
  • Don’t burden him with things as he comes home from working.
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That sort of thing just galled me. I mean this is the 21st century… or is it still? Hmmmm.. anyway, mixed in with that were things like

  • Appreciate him
  • Admire him
  • Respect him
  • Tell him all those things
  • Don’t be critical

As I began to practice those things -I saw a new man come to life in my husband.

The problem was – I was just acting. Those things were not really heart deep for me.

Until God planted a crazy idea in my heart to look in the bible to see what He says about Marriage- specifically a wife’s role within that Godly marriage.

Talk about being blown away by the practical everyday advice – that comes from a Heavenly Father who loves us so much He hates to see us hurt with divorce!

Through that study I was confronted with a hard choice.

If I wanted change in my marriage – I had to change.

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

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You see, I was destroying my marriage by pursuing all my preferences. My preferences were actually ruining any change of obtaining the things I desired in life!

Honestly, I am a control freak with pride issues. I want things done my way, the first time, no exception.

Some of My Desires are:

  • To live in a loving marriage
  • Being partners in parenting
  • Sharing a united vision and path for our future
  • Communicating openly as a couple
  • Leaving a legacy to our Little Blessings -without divorce

My preferences include things like:

  • How the dishwasher is loaded
  • They way clothes are sorted and put away
  • How often the grass is cut
  • The way the TP is put on the roll
  • How much time the kids watch TV
  • The way meals are balanced
  • and so many more…

Every time hubby did something in a different way – I would berate him for being so inconsiderate and thoughtless. And each time (through my actions), I told him that I didn’t respect him, wouldn’t accept him and he shut down.

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By pursuing all of my preferences I was destroying any chance of reaching my desires.

Perspective Shift: There is more than one right way to do most things.

By acknowledging that we both had a preference about how to do things – I began to show hubby respect and acceptance.

As I showed him Respect this way – he began to show me love in real practical ways. This was a first step in changing everything for us.  It literally stopped me from destroying my godly marriage – from the inside out!

Are you destroying your godly marriage from the inside out – like I was?

What are your desires?

Can you think of one preference to give up today?

Psst: The first thing I gave up was how often the grass got cut. Y’all, as I gave my husband freedom to do that his way (and in his time), I was able to appreciate him and admire him. It was a stepping stone to awakening his desire to step up and lead in our home. (I’d love to share more of that story as well as the path I took to change out cultural marriage to a godly Marriage – here)

I’d love to pray for you as you step out in faith today. Drop a comment below “Challenge accepted” so I can add you name to my prayer list!


Tiffany Montgomery

I'm Tiffany, a wife, mom & Jesus Girl with a passion to Encourage and Equip wives and moms through Biblical Discipleship.I write and teach and and would love to connect with you on Facebook or Pinterest.If you are a Wife, come join us for a Free Bible study to help us Find Hope & Joy in our Marriage.

Latest posts by Tiffany Montgomery (see all)

Author: Tiffany Montgomery

I'm Tiffany, a wife, mom & Jesus Girl with a passion to Encourage and Equip wives and moms through Biblical Discipleship. I write and teach and and would love to connect with you on Facebook or Pinterest. If you are a Wife, come join us for a Free Bible study to help us Find Hope & Joy in our Marriage.

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