Christian Marriage – I Still Do

The battle for marriage and the covenant for marriage is rapidly being attacked. I thank God for being at the center of my Christian marriage because, without Him, I would have probably succumbed to the fate of so many marriages today.

When I was growing up, I went to church regularly. I accepted Christ as a preteen and had great intentions of living for Him. I remember sitting in a gathering at church camp and saving my self for my future husband. Being a preteen, this seemed easy. Why wouldn’t I want to do what God wanted me to?

I heard many times “God’s rules.” The do’s and don’ts of marriage.

Marriage is for one man and one woman. Don’t live together. Don’t have premarital sex. Because God commands it.

While all of that is true, as a young girl, I began to fall into many traps. Traps that seemed impossible to be rescued from. I had broken the rules and I was beyond all the do’s and don’ts and thought I was too far away from God. Too far gone for my sins to be forgiven and completely stuck in the stronghold of sin.

Strongholds of Sin

These strongholds and feelings of being trapped in my sin continued on into my late-twenties. Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, I believed what women were being told and shown on TV and in society. What’s good for Ross is good for Rachel, right? With no repercussions. No feelings of loss or connection. No remorse or regrets.

I knew God’s story. I believed I was saved. But I also falsely believed it ended with that. That getting the golden ticket to Heaven was all I needed. I thought I could live the way I wanted to live. Giving in to my desires. I had become so entrenched in the world’s definition of womanhood and the freedom to be who I wanted to be that there was no sight of being God’s child anywhere in my life.

So life continued on and while I continued to feel stuck, I didn’t think there was an escape. Holding my golden ticket in one hand, and my right for independence from anyone in the other.

I had been hurt, shamed and humiliated more times than I wanted to admit.

Walls of Independence

But I had done it my way. With my independence, I had built up a wall around myself. A wall that would protect me from any more hurt, shame, and loss of control. It would protect me against the harshness of broken relationships.

I got to the point where I was a “strong independent woman” and didn’t need a man. And certainly not one that would hold me back or keep from being who I was.

Then I met the man who would later become my husband. I continued to keep the wall that I had proudly built around myself. The wall meant I had control of every situation. One that would keep me from hurt and shame.

We dated and he was not like anyone I had been with. He respected me and respected my body. He wasn’t interested in dwelling on my past.

As we continued to develop a more serious relationship, he made it clear that He was going to love me just as I was. A gift that had been given to me by my Heavenly Father that took me several years to recognize.

We were married a little over a year after we started dating. We’re both easy going and got along so well. And that continued until we were married for about a year and a half and after we had our first child.

Although we had gotten married in the sight of God and taken a vow to be joined together, within a year and a half, I was ready to abandon the till death do us part business. The only place I could think of running was to my parents’ house.

Love and Respect

One day, while on the phone with my sister, she said to me, “You need to figure this out or this isn’t going to last.” She sent me a book. I wish I knew what it was called. It was a small book that had a huge impact on me. I remember these simple words.

The book explained how your husband needs this one thing from you. Respect. While the book went into more detail, that point stuck with me. I needed to learn to respect my man.

To be honest, I didn’t have much. Not because he didn’t deserve it or earn it but because I carried that wall into my marriage. The wall was built up with a thick mortar called control. My control.

To respect my husband, meant I had to release my control. And not just to him but to God. In releasing that, it meant that I was open to hurt and all the other feelings that I had stored up inside.

To be honest, I don’t remember the exact breaking point. With my wall beginning to break down, I had room to draw closer to God and into this union the way He had designed it.

Christian Marriage Creates a Triple-Stranded Cord

Slowly, God showed me verses that taught me to love my husband because he was created in the image of God. He was God’s child and my respect needed to come from loving God and treating my husband as God would want me to treat him.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24 (NIV)

This verse makes many women cringe because so often it has been used in a negative way. But submitting to my husband meant I respected his decisions and choices. I respected him being part of the union God had created. My submission didn’t mean I was weak but I was part of this beautiful relationship that God created in Heaven.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV)

Together, my husband and I are stronger with God in the middle. We started attending Bible study together and studying God’s Word together. Our conversations became more Christ-focused. We began meeting each other on decisions, not because we always agree, but because we are stronger together. We began to have a better Biblical perspective on our life’s decisions.

Most importantly, getting deeper into the Word, my perspective changed.

For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:7-9

God didn’t call me to go home to my parents’ house. He called me to be tied to my husband. He had joined us together as one flesh. Leaving this would not only mean that I left my home but my flash would be divided.

This simple idea settled deep into my heart. If I had broken up this marriage, I could have possibly answered to my husband and my extended family. Someday, however, I would stand before God and have to answer to Him about this bond that He had created and bound in Heaven, that I chose to break.

God Does Heal and Does Redeem

There were several life choices I had made that God needed to work out in me for my marriage to become more solid.

I chose to believe what was good for a man was good for a woman. I hadn’t embraced the fact that God made us unique and beautiful. He didn’t create us to be like the other. He created us to compliment each other.

With unbiblical ideology, I had a lot of guilt and shame for my life choices. There are serious repercussions for living outside of God’s will for our lives and trying to control everything.

God taught me, however, that I didn’t have to live in shame. That was a lie that I lived with for far too long.

I am His child and therefore free from condemnation because I am forgiven and set free. Not free to sin, but free to live in His grace and love.

I had prided myself on being a strong independent woman. While being a strong woman isn’t a bad thing, having pride and being independent of God is not His plan for us. He wants us to be dependent on Him and realize our need for Him for every.little.thing.

I Am the Bride of Christ

God has freed me in so many ways through my relationship with my husband. He has helped me understand the beauty of being the bride of Christ. I look forward to honoring and respecting my husband, even when we don’t see eye to eye because I love the marriage that God has created.

I love my husband not just because I want to make my marriage work but because he is a child of God. God has created this beautiful gift of joining hearts. What a privilege to be blessed in a Christian marriage where I treasure my husband and to this day…

I Still Do.

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Jaime Wiebel

You can find Jaime regularly blogging at Seeking God with Jaime Wiebel. She loves helping friends make the connection between the Bible and growing a deep relationship with Jesus.

You can also find Jaime writing weekly devotions for Seeking God Daily on Facebook. When not writing, Jaime loves spending time with her husband and three amazing kids. She also loves when she has time to sit down with friends and learn what God has for us as we share life together.

Latest posts by Jaime Wiebel (see all)

• Christian Marriage – I Still Do - February 15, 2019