Your Heart Can’t Have What it Wants: The Story of Leah
The love triangle of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah rolls off the pages of the Bible like some kind of big screen movie up for the latest Academy Award. Two sisters in love with the same man. Lies. Deceit. Jealousy.
Except it’s not a movie. The story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel is a true story, and an especially painful one for Leah, overshadowed by her sister, cast as the supporting role rather than the star. However, that’s not what God intended for Leah. On the surface, she appears to have gotten the broken side of the wishbone. However, the underlying beauty in Leah’s story earns her a top spot in God’s hall of celebrities.
Two Sisters + 1 Man + 14 Years = A Big Mess
We jump into the story in Genesis 29.
Jacob, the son of Isaac, the grandson of the patriarch Abraham, is no stranger to getting himself into trouble. In his latest shenanigans, he cheats his brother Esau out of his patriarchal blessing. Esau is out for blood, and to protect him from Esau’s wrath, Jacob’s mother Rebekah sends him away to ‘find a wife’ from her family line.
As Jacob arrives in his mother’s land, he sees the beautiful Rachel, who ‘happens’ to be a relative and a perfect match for Jacob. Rachel’s family is overjoyed at Jacob’s arrival, and Laban, Rachel’s father, agrees to give Rachel in marriage…if Jacob will work for him for seven years.
Well, Rachel must have been stunning to behold because Jacob is smitten and commits to this agreement. And the Bible tells us in very romantic way that seven years seemed “like only a few days to him because of his love for her” (vs. 20).
Finally, the time has come for Jacob to marry Rachel, and here’s where the story gets juicy. Jacob finally gets a taste of his own deceptive medicine. On his wedding night, Laban secretly gives Leah, the older sister, to Jacob as his wife — not Rachel (don’t ask me how Jacob didn’t catch on to that one).
Infuriated, Jacob confronts Laban, who tells him that the older daughter needs to be married first. (That information might have come in handy prior to the big night, don’t you think?) However, Laban says that Jacob can have Rachel, too, – if he works another 7 years, which Jacob agrees to.
Enter the happy home of Jacob and his two sister wives.
Leah the Unloved
We don’t know a whole lot about Leah, but the Bible tells us that Leah has gentle eyes (the word describing Leah’s eyes has a few translations but gentle and timid seem to make the most sense) while Rachel was beautiful in form and face (vs. 17): in other words – Rachel was a knock-out. If I can take the liberty to read between the lines, Leah was the timid, less-pretty older sister, and Rachel was the one who got all the attention.
We aren’t sure how Leah felt about Jacob while he was working those 7 years to marry Rachel, but having his love certainly mattered to her after they were married. Try to imagine the scenario. Leah is the silent witness to the love of Jacob and Rachel right under her nose: the side-way glances when no one is watching, maybe the stolen conversation late at night.
By contrast, nobody is working 7 years to marry Leah. In fact, we can probably assume no one comes to ask for her hand in marriage during that time because she is still available when those 7 years are over.
Then, her dad has to sneak her in to her sister’s fiance’s chambers on their wedding night to trick him into marrying her. And Jacob wakes up furious when he discovers he’s in bed with the wrong woman.
Can it get any more humiliating for poor Leah?
God’s Response to Leah
The Bible tells us that Leah is unloved by Jacob (vs. 31), and God, in His kindness to her, allows her to have children while closing Rachel’s womb for the time being. I mean, Rachel shouldn’t get to have everything, right? (Don’t worry – God isn’t being unfair to Rachel. He had His own business He was working out in her, and as it always is with God, timing is everything.)
Leah mistakenly thinks that somehow having a baby will endear her to Jacob and cause him to love her, especially since Rachel can’t give him children. Leah wouldn’t be the first woman in history to think that, now, would she?
The Bible describes it this way in Genesis 29:32-34 (NASB):
Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”
She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.
Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.
Doesn’t your heart just hurt for her? Son #1 – “Maybe Jacob will love me.” Son #2 – “God gave me this son as a consolation because he doesn’t love me.” Son #3 – “I’ll settle for Jacob just being attached to me.”
Leah is aching for the love of her husband, and despite her best efforts, there is nothing she can do to get it.
However, by Son #4, something changes in Leah.
“She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ So she named him Judah.”
This time.
This time, I won’t use my son to win over my husband. This son is about praise.
With this son, I will praise the Lord.
Even if my husband doesn’t love me.
When the Heart Wants What It Can’t Have
Haven’t we all been there at some time or other? Working our magic to get what our hearts desperately want? We try everything and we still can’t make it happen.
I have been there. Something of a late bloomer, I didn’t get married until I was 36 years old. I can remember going all through my 20s and into my early 30s with this shadow of singleness hanging over me. That feeling of being unloved. Not enough. That something must be wrong with me.
Deep down, I knew a man couldn’t fill that deep ache in my heart, but I couldn’t get my emotions to line up under what I knew to be true. After each potential man I met, I thought, “Surely, he’ll be the one.” And when he wasn’t, and the next one came along: “Well, this guy must be the one.” And when he wasn’t and the next one came along, I thought, “This has gotta be it.”
While Leah went through 3 sons before she came to the point of worship without having her desire fulfilled. For me, it was a few more than 3 tanked relationships before I got there.
But that was the lesson God was teaching me, too — to worship and trust Him. To be at peace with His plan for my life, whatever that looked like – single, married, children. Whatever.
And not just to worship, but to let His love fill every crack in my heart, which felt like just one big, gaping need. (You can read the full story of how He won my heart here).
After I learned that lesson, I met the man who was to be my husband about a year later. But you know what? A few years into marriage, I was able to relate more to Rachel than to Leah in that I struggled with infertility. Two miscarriages and many infertility treatments later, the huge, unfulfilled desire wasn’t marriage but children.
However, through both of these struggles, I had to learn the same lesson of worship while having unfulfilled desires. It’s the condition of the human heart that is exposed and plagues us all: we have these desires that we want fulfilled, and we don’t know how to reconcile it when God doesn’t fulfill them, when we know He can.
It pushes our faith to the very edge of itself, and we look over the cliff and have to trust that He is there when we see nothing on the other side.
Leah Wasn’t Perfect and Neither are We
If you read a little farther into the story, while Leah came to that realization of worship, the drama doesn’t end there. In essence, Rachel and Leah set up a revolving door on Jacob’s tent, and they alternate sending their maids in to their husband to generate more sons for them (Still can’t wrap my mind around that one!).
Eventually God does grant Leah 2 more sons. With the 6th and final son, Leah says that surely this time my husband will treat me with honor (Genesis 30:20). The implication is that, after all this time and a half dozen sons, Jacob still hadn’t come around in his affection for Leah.
Like all of us, our surrender to God’s plans and allowing Him to fill those gaping holes in our hearts is not usually a linear journey. It’s scenic drives through the country and wrong turns down dark roads and veering off the highway until the rumble strips of another crisis wake us up again and get us back on course. Or sometimes we just hit a tree at 75 mph and crash hard, barely surviving, and that’s what it takes to get us on the road back to God again.
Leah wasn’t perfect in how she learned her lesson, and neither are we. But God and His grace are there at every turn.
Leah’s Beauty
While Rachel is characterized as the beauty in this narrative, there are a few things that, to me, make Leah’s story a beautiful one.
The first aspect of Leah’s beauty is that she worshiped. Not a perfect journey of worship and surrender, but I believe that Leah learned to worship God and surrender her unfulfilled desire even while she still felt the sting.
I can remember many worship services in my years of being single, in my years of miscarriages, in my years of infertlity, where I had tears streaming down my face, but my hands were up in worship. I didn’t understand God’s ways and didn’t necessarily think they were fair or right at the time. But I knew He was still to be worshiped.
And, like Leah, worship during those times of unfulfilled desires is the truest and most beautiful worship and, likely, the sweetest sacrifice of praise to God.
The second aspect of Leah’s beauty is in her death. Eventually, God opens Rachel’s womb and she bears a son, Joseph. However, right as she gives birth, she asks God for another son. Rachel does become pregnant again and gives birth to Benjamin while they were traveling. Rachel ends up dying in childbirth, and she is buried along the way.
For a period of time, Leah is the sole wife of Jacob. The Bible doesn’t say whether Jacob ever loved Leah, but he honors her in her death when she is buried in the family tomb with Abraham, Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah. Rachel never gets that honor, but it is given to Leah alone.
The final aspect that makes Leah’s story a beautiful one has to do with her son, Judah. With Judah, Leah learns to praise God in spite of not being loved, in spite of not having her desire met. While beautiful in itself, this son is especially significant. Judah is the ancestor to King David, who is in the lineage of Jesus, the Messiah who would save Israel – and the entire human race.
While Jacob may not have given Leah the place of honor through their marriage, God gives Leah the incredibly profound honor of being a part of the ancestry of Jesus. Leah, not Rachel, had that honor.
Did Leah ever have that love she craved? The Bible never says, but from an eternal perspective, Leah’s life had the utmost and beautiful significance and honor.
And that’s always the way God works. In His dealings with us, He’s compassionate. God saw the Leah was unloved, and He blessed her with sons to take away some of the sting.
But beyond the surface, in ways we might never see, realize or be witness to, He is making something beautiful with our lives. And it’s very likely that He is weaving our lives in such a way that we won’t see its full beauty until we look at it from the other side of eternity.
A Stepping Stone to Something Greater
In the meantime, can we trust Him with that? Are we able to trust Him to give us our hearts’ desires in His time? Can we trust Him if, in His wisdom and knowing, He doesn’t give us what we desire? Do we believe that what becomes of our lives will be so remarkably beautiful in the end, even if we never witness it ourselves?
Are we able to trust Him to give us our hearts' desires in His time? Can we trust Him if, in His wisdom and knowing, He doesn’t give us what we desire? Do we believe that what becomes of our lives will be so remarkably beautiful in… Click To TweetIn a strange way, Leah’s story reminds me of the pilgrims. The pilgrims came to North America because they truly believed they were called here by God for the furtherance of the Gospel. True missionaries. The first winter here, the losses were brutal. Of the 103 pilgrims who set out, 51 died. Half of them. Gone. When spring finally came, they had the opportunity to return to Europe. None of them left. Every single one of them chose to stay. Why? Because they knew they were part of something greater than themselves.
William Bradford in his memoir Of Plymouth Plantation, describes the deeply-held beliefs of the pilgrims. They desired to advance:
“the gospel of the kingdom of Christ in those remote parts of the world; yea, though they should be but even as stepping-stones unto others for the performing of so great a work.”
Although Leah didn’t know it, she was a stepping stone for a greater work – the salvation of humanity through her descendant Jesus, thousands of years later. When seen in that light, was her temporary suffering worth it? If you were to ask Leah now, I’d bet she’d say no doubt.
And sometimes, that’s the lens we have to look at our unfulfilled desires and our suffering through. Yes, God cares. He is overwhelmingly compassionate. He is abundantly gracious. Like any father, His heart is to give His children good gifts.
But should He choose to withhold what our hearts so desperately want, can we trust Him in that? Can we be willing to be a stepping stone to something greater than ourselves?
A heart that says ‘yes’ to that is beautiful in the most true and eternal way. You may feel like Leah in a world of Rachels: less than, not enough, unfulfilled desires when others seems to get what they want so easily. But in God’s eyes, one whose heart praises through and in spite of pain, whose heart trusts His love while her deepest desires go unfulfilled, whose heart is willing to be used for His eternally significant, weighty and mind-blowing purposes – that one is truly and eternally beautiful before God.
- Your Heart Can’t Have What it Wants: The Story of Leah - May 9, 2018
This brought tears to my eyes. It felt like pepper being applied to my raw pain, but instead of more pain (pepper stings I know 😃), these words have been therapeutic to me. Your perspective on Leah has healed my aching heart. Thanks so much for yielding to God.
I have been fascinated for a long time with Leah’s story, and moving forward I choose to focus on God rather than my unfilled desires.
Praise the Lord!
This was a great article. I remember reading the story of Leah and Rachel years ago and thinking, “Leah is me! God understands.” I am 30 years old, single, and I have never been in a serious relationship. I also have a poor relationship with my father. Years of being rejected by men who did not return my feelings and thinking that I will never be good enough. Always asking God when will the right man come who will love me. He is teaching me to praise Him in the midst of unfulfilled desire. Nothing is new under the sun, so I know God is able to care for me the same way He did for Leah.
This post moved me to tears! I recently heard a sermon about Leah’s story and how undervalued she was by by her husband and father (and I could imagine her and Rachel were in competition since they were young). The preacher giving the sermon ended with the point of turning pain into praise, similar to taking the eternal perspective, but this answer wasn’t satisfying to me. My first though was “this isn’t fair! How is she expected to be happy when her husband is sleeping with her sister and their maids! What is so hard about asking for love and respect?!” This story is very personal to me because I see some mirrors between Leah and my own life. Six months ago, I got out of a bad relationship with a man who happens to be named Jacob (it freaked me out how similar my ex was to Jacob in the Bible) and I felt so undervalued being with him the way Lea did in her marriage. A few months after we ended I found out he had been unfaithful and I had never felt so crushed and worthless. I still attend college with his friends and one of the girls he cheated on me with, and I would feel so bent out of shape every time I would see her in my classes because I couldn’t help but feel like Leah and she was Rachel. I didn’t have children with him, but I went out of my way and let him cross my boundaries in order to try to “earn” his affection and love and security, all to no avail. Reading this post however, reminded me that God is so tender and compassionate to those who are in pain. I have been throwing myself into the Word ever since and found that there is no bottom with God and taking the eternal perspective, I let Him fill my heart up with forgiveness and love and ask Him to prevent bitterness from growing. Even though I didn’t get what I wanted like Leah, I’m falling in love with the man who can take care of me the best, the Lord my God! This has been such a crazy journey for me but I can feel God healing my heart, making it whole and plump so I can do my part in His will for me. I know this is a long reply but this post meant so much to me while God and I work for me to be completely healed by this, you are a beautiful and talented writer and I’m going through the archives of posts on this website 😁. Have a Happy and Blessed New Year!!!
Yasmine, I am so glad this post ministered to you the way that you did. And you are right — the Lord LOVES you so very much! You are His precious daughter, a princess and I believe He has wonderful things in store for you! Keep pursuing Him! Bless you sister!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I went through a similar circumstance recently. I couldn’t say this initially, the hurt was just too great, but now I’m thankful for the trial because it has brought me closer to God, widened my perspective, fortified my faith, and strengthened my testimony of Him and his infinite love for us. May God Bless You and Anyone who reads this. 😇
I very much relate to Leah . I’ve been married for eight years now and my husband has revealed that he loves me but is not in love with me and never has been. We have a daughter and I’m not sure what to do. I am very much in love with my husband and always have been. It hurts to know that he’s never had the same passion that I’ve had for him. It’s left me so confused. I pray for him every day and still want to very much stay and fight for my marriage, I just am not sure if it’s the right thing to do. It’s been a tough month, trying to stay strong for my daughter. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to bear this cross. Especially when I know that I’m the only one praying every day. Has anyone else ever been through the same situation? Is there any hope that his feelings will change? Is it worth it for me to stay? I could sure use some prayer.
Absolutely, With God, all things are possible. Pray, Speak and manifest God’s words. Believe God is working behind the scenes changing and restoring what the enemy has stolen.
Jessica, God hears the prayers of the faithful! Blessings to you during these challenging times!💞
It’s amazing to me that our Messiah came through the lineage of Leah, not Rachel. Leah gave birth to Judah the fourth son, as you said. Jesus is the Lion of the tribe of Judah. SO in a way, Leah got the greater blessing. Also, Jacob is buried with Leah, not Rachel.
I too was disturbed by this marriage mix up over the years. I read it again recently and Laban asked Jacob to give Leah her week, then he could also have Rachel while working the seven additional years. Gen. 27-28.
I think I needed to read this today. By some miracle it was the first thing that popped up on my Pinterest account. I am in tears. After a bad divorce and another failed relationship I often wonder what is wrong with me. Will I ever have someone to love me? Thank God for this word.
Oh Kathya, my heart aches hearing what you’ve been through. But I pray that God comfort and strengthen you. I believe that He knows the depths of pain that you have felt and desires to heal your heart in such a way that you never dreamed possible. He loves you more than you can imagine. I believe that He will do an incredible work in your heart and in your life as you walk with Him. I’ll be praying for you.
Wow! I never felt like I related to Leah until now. I feel sad, compassion and hope all at the same time. And more mindful of Gods work behind the signs. More to process on this 😆.but thank you!
So glad this touched you deeply! May God continue to stir your heart even more as He continues to reveal more of Himself!
The story of Leah has always made me sad. I liked my name but hated the meaning. This is the first time I’ve ever read it and not felt that way. Thank you! (In Gaelic, Leah means “Light of the sun”, I like that definition better 😀 )
I like that — Light of the Sun. And YOU definitely are Leah! SO glad the post made you feel differently… I pray it was a blessing to you!
Thank you! This is very much how I feel and though I try to love Him and trust him anyway, at times it feels too heavy. Thank you for the reminder that one day it will make sense and one day it will not matter how I feel I’ve suffered now because the blessings will be far greater than anything I’ve given up.
I can totally relate, Kaitlin. Life sometimes feels VERY heavy, and I’ve had so many time in my journey when trust was so hard – and in the end, it was my only option. I think when we get to the point of accepting the eternal perspective, even if it includes our short-term suffering, is when life doesn’t feel as heavy anymore (and then, it seems we are really opened up to His blessing, too). Much love, friend! xoxo – Kate
Wonderful post! So glad I found your blog. I loved your “take” on the story of Leah. I think many more women can identify with Leah than Rachel, the beautiful sister.
Laurie-totally! I was definitely the ‘less pretty’ friend among all my girls in high school and college! (I always had beautiful friends! lol) It is easy to really let that sink into your identity – but I love how God carved out something so special for Leah (and not Rachel! But maybe that’s just me being spiteful! lol). But seriously, He doesn’t play favorites and He truly has something special special for us all. Thanks so much for reading, Laurie! 🙂
Loved this approach to Leah’s story! So much loneliness, yet God in His divine wisdom blessed her abundantly. Thank you for this rendition of such a dramatic love triangle.
Maritza – I know. When I really think of what it must’ve been like for Leah, it truly hearts my heart. I sometimes see people in the Bible as one-dimensional, like flat characters in a story, not like real people. But this must’ve been so hard for her. I love how God has something so special for her in spite of never having the earthly romance she wanted. Thanks so much for reading! – Kate
Thank you for this wonderful post! We are studying Leah and Rachel right now over at Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies. It’s been a real eye opener! God has so much for each of us and we can miss it when we think we’ve been robbed! TY for your beautiful writing! ❤
Donna – I’ve been thinking about that phrase you mentioned – ‘when we think we’ve been robbed.’ That’s such an insightful perspective. I have definitely felt that way at times, for sure…gonna think about that a little more… I’d love to take a look at the study you are doing! Thanks for reading, Donna! 🙂 – Kate
SUCH a beautiful and encouraging teaching, Kate! I had never thought about the fact that Leah was honored in burial in a way Rachel wasn’t. This post serves as a great reminder of keeping an eternal perspective on our lives. Thank you for taking the time and effort to formulate your thoughts in a way that inspires and invites reflection. Great job!
Thanks, Darla! I appreciate your kind word. My heart always aches for people who feel like Leah (having felt that way myself!). But it’s so true – the eternal perspective is really the only antidote to feeling that way, b/c sometimes the scales just aren’t balanced here on earth. But so many times, God graciously gives us so many wonderful things here, too – and we are super-blessed for that. Thank you for reading, Darla! – Kate
Hey Kate , I loved this post because I waited for years to have my womb blessed . It hurt my soul so much when I was belittled by others but I always held on the promises of God .
Today I am mama of triplets ( I had prayed for twins ) . God has been good to you and I .
Thank you Angel for hosting her . Blessings to you
Glory to God
What a testimony Diana! Praise the Lord sister!
Diana! That is amazing!!!! I had twin boys after our spell with infertility. I had 2 miscarriage, and then God blessed me with twins. Always His timing – but the pain of infertility is a very unique sting that hits us right in the core. I’m so, so happy you have a full home now! God is faithful! 🙂 Thanks so much for reading, Diana! 🙂
What a thorough and helpful telling of Leah’ s story! Thank you!
Thank you for reading, Bethany! I hope God was able to use to to speak to you in some way! 🙂 – Kate
I love this! Relating to the multiple wives and sending the maid in can be hard, but we can all relate to feeling unloved and to not getting what we want.
Sarah – exactly. I have definitely gone through both sets of emotions (many times!). But God really is faithful to fill those gaps with Himself and take the sting out. He really is enough – and the eternal perspective really helps to take out some of the sting. Thank you for reading, Sarah! – Kate
Thank you for this post! I have two young daughters. The older one has “weak eyes.” I wonder if Leah had some sort of a lazy eye too. Her friends at school recently started commenting that her eyes look “creepy” and that made me so sad. I’ve been taking her to vision therapy and trying to detox her body in various ways to help “fix” her eyes, but nothing has really changed in the past few years.
I was recently reminded of Leah and Rachel. This post helped me recognize God’s beautiful purpose for Leah and His love for her and that God created my daughter exactly the way she is for His greater purpose. I hope that my daughter too will be able to recognize how loved she is, and how God has a wonderful purpose for her, despite her “weak eyes.”