When You Know Your Value in Jesus, You Know A Better Marriage
When a wife comes face to face with a valley in her marriage, the ways of the world will often press down on her, and her self-worth can take a hit. She will often try anything that will lead to a better, more Godly marriage. However, one of the most important things she can do is seek Jesus instead, and remember her worth in Him. If you find yourself in similar shoes today, read on for more illustrations and suggestions. God Bless!
Growing up she was a beauty queen.
Daily she received positive affirmations on her physical appearance, and she learned that was what would gain her attention and affection.
So she kept pursuing what she knew. Being known for beauty filled her up for a time, but she was never truly “full.” And then it happened… he came home one day and told her he was unhappy. He wanted a better marriage. He didn’t know what to do.
She was crushed. Wasn’t she pretty enough? Was it the new gray hairs? The baby weight? Or the tired lines on her face from all the late nights nursing? Was she not enough anymore?
Determined to fix things between them, she focused harder on her outside, yet the divide between them still grew.
Growing up her sister was a social butterfly. Always the life of the party, she knew how to tell a great joke and keep the fun going.
Daily she received positive affirmations on her social prowess, and she learned that was what would gain her attention, and affection.
When a wife comes face to face with a valley in her marriage, the ways of the world will often press down on her, and her self-worth can take a hit. One of the most important things she can do is seek Jesus and remember her worth… Click To Tweet
So she kept pursuing what she knew. Being known for her popularity filled her up for a time, but she was never truly “full”. And then it happened. Her husband came home one day and told her he was unhappy. He wanted a better marriage. He didn’t know what to do.
She was crushed. Wasn’t she “fun” anymore? Was there someone else more exciting and light hearted than she? Where did she go wrong? Was she not enough now?
Determined to fix things between them, she focused even more on her gregarious side, yet the divide between them still grew.
These are the types of stories I witness frequently as I meet women across the globe who are fighting for their marriages. The truth is, many of us grew up with strengths in this world and have learned they come with attention and affection. Even me.
While some of these attributes of ourselves can be positive, they aren’t enough to sustain us when times get rocky in marriage. When we look to other flawed human beings to validate us through characteristics of the flesh, we put them in a position to attempt to keep filling a hole only Jesus can fill. As a spouse gets overwhelmed with trying to fill that space on their own, it creates a divide, and even resentment.
There’s a better way: learning and growing in who we are in Jesus.
As for me, it’s taken quite a long time, (and an unfortunately painful separation), to get my head and my heart to align up to understand my worth in Jesus. And, to also see my husbands’ value through his eyes.
Of course I *knew* my worth comes from above, and that God loves my husband too. However, to take this *head knowledge* and get my heart to grasp it took time. But the more I grow in my relationship with Jesus and understand the value He places on me and my life, the less I look to others, including my husband, for validation. Furthermore, the more I see my husband’s value through Jesus’ eyes, the more accepting, forgiving and loving I naturally become toward him.
Taking the pressure off my husband to fill the space in my heart that only Jesus could fill completely changed us. Being more accepting, forgiving and loving towards my husband as I grew in my identity in Christ began the healing of our divide. The same can happen in your life and marriage too.
So how does one go about completely grasping who they are in Christ, and growing in their self worth in Jesus?
Here are 4 Suggestions:
1- Get in the Word.
Go straight to the truth! Gods’ word tells us about who we are and how much we are loved no matter what. His word warns us what *not* to place all of our worth in so that we may live fully in him.
Here are just a few favorite verses that align with this:
“You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139: 13-14
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” -Ephesians 2:10
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7
2- Consider Counseling.
If you are really struggling with truly knowing your value in Christ, individual counseling may be a good option to help you navigate and sort through your feelings and deep-seated struggles. It’s ok to get the extra guidance to help turn this “head knowledge” into heart knowledge!
3- Serve others.
By spreading Gods love to others through service, you will notice a growing confidence in who you are, and you will truly experience joy.
4– Surround yourself with Godly women.
Seek those who will often remind you of the price paid for you, and of the value placed on you through Jesus. Having godly women in your life willing to speak truth in love will make a difference in how you see yourself.
In closing, as the popular saying goes, “You can’t be happy in a relationship if you are not already happy within yourself”.
Or, a better comparison might be: “You won’t be satisfied in marriage without being fully satisfied in who you are in Jesus first”.
I am passionate about Jesus, family, (coffee and chocolate!), and encouraging others.I’m a part-time working momma and blogger, who spends most of my time being mommy to my 3 and 6-year-old, and wife to my best friend, but I try to sneak away on occasion to remember my inner me! I blog at: www.myinnerrapunzel.com
- When You Know Your Value in Jesus, You Know A Better Marriage - February 6, 2018
Hi, Beth, as I read your post, the idea of the Word of God as a mirror, a metaphor from Scripture, popped into my head and reminded me that not only do we peer into the Word to see who we are in terms of our need for redemption. We find in the mirror of Scripture the truth that we are beautiful in the eyes of the One who created us! This takes so much pressure off that marriage relationship!
I love your suggestions for finding your worth in Jesus. The only way to fully love others is to understand how Christ loves you. Thank you for this post!!
Always remind yourself, you are a daughter of heavenly father. He loves and wants us to succeed.
Wow this was so inspiring to read, you can do anything better if you believe in Jesus 🙂
Wow this was so inspiring to read, you can do anything better if you believe in Jesus
I like your tips, it’s a great reminder. Who you surround yourself with is important and also what you put into your system.
As women, we can be vulnerable to the idea that our worth is found in the success of our relatinships. The latest studies show that a woman’s satisfaction in the relationship is a better indication of the health of a marriage than a man’s. Great reminder about where sour value lies!
I love this! Thank you so much for pointing us back to the true Source.
Thank You Bailey! And thank you for taking the time to write, its always so nice to hear a readers perspective. <3
I love that your counsel is for women to have an outward focus: God, their husband and family, and others in need. So often we look inward and wonder how to make more of what looks to be so little. And it’s definitely important to seek help when it’s needed.
Yes thank you! I probably could have expanded even further on the serving others. Its so important in our walk with Christ. Truly if we want to be more christ like we have to consider that Christ came to serve. Serving is a giving that brings such an inner joy, and gets us outside of ourselves. Thank You!
This was an interesting post in which I was allowed to see into your heart and spirit. Thank you.
Good tips. I love how you encourage individual counseling. Couples counseling is helpful, but at the end of the day, you can only change you.
Yes this is so important! Truly it starts with our own selves. You’re so right “only you can change you”. And this is what we so often share with wives is you can’t change him, you can only work on you and your own walk with Christ. Great point!
Love this!! Keeping ourselves immersed in God’s Word and surrounded my Godly influences is so important. I love growing deeper in my relationship with Christ while watching my husband do the same.
Yes! Thank you so much!
Thank You for sharing. It is so critical to surround ourselves with Godly influences. It makes such a difference in outlook and is such a good support network. It sometimes appears that others have had a perfect life and marriage, a support group of Godly women will often reveal that no marriage is perfect, but putting the focus on God is key to success.
Absolutely, no marriage is immune to spiritual warfare. Its having those Godly battle mates that can make all the difference to help us keep our focus where it needs to be. Agree!
I really enjoyed this post, very beautifully written! My favorite piece of advice was to “surround yourself with Godly women.” I have always agreed with that we ourselves are defined by the company we keep and especially newly married women of faith (I know from experience) really need to surround themselves with people of like values and mindsets! Love this!
Thank you! Yes it sure does make a difference when we consider the company we regularly keep! It was growing my circle of friendships with loving and truth filled Godly women that made a big change in my own life. So true.
Great word, Beth! We can’t look to our spouse to fill a gap only the Lord can fill. Amazing post! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much!
Yes! I needed to read this. I am not married yet but this is still great info
So true Dee! This is important no matter what happens married or not. Great point!
We need to lift each other up.
Right on, that Godly sisterhood can make such a difference! <3