When All Hope Seems Lost in a Godly Marriage
The knock on the door was a rude awakening on that bright October morning. His selfish choices came to light and the consequence of those choices started that day. It was the day that changed my marriage – the day when hope seemed lost.
The next weeks and months were an unraveling of lies and deceit. More than once, I thought my heart would break for good. How could my husband have traveled down such a dark road? Would it be possible to navigate the road ahead?
When Hope Seems Lost
Getting up to face each day became a chore. My husband’s choices hurt in ways I had never experienced pain before. The one person who had vowed to love and care for me had done the exact opposite. What I thought was a Godly marriage turned out to be a complete mess.
The question I was dreading started to come up: What would I do?
How do you answer a question like that, in the midst of the storms of life? I prayed for God to make a way clear, and as I did, He kept holding me back, asking me to wait.
My personality is such that I like to be in control of my life; I prefer to make decisions and plan a course. In the midst of the first few messy months, God kept showing me that I would have to trust Him, that He would be in control, not me. The way things unfolded were a direct result of my husband’s choices. God had to continually remind me that these things were happening to him, not to me. However, if I was going to stay, I would need to give up control.
I decided to stay in my marriage, to accept what would come, and to trust God because at that particular time, hope seemed very lost.
When Hope Grows Anew
As things unfolded and secrets came to light, there started to be glimmers of hope, followed by times of darkness where I really wondered about my choice to stay. But that’s what hope does – it takes root. Just as a new flower doesn’t grow to full height and bloom in just one day, hope takes time to grow and develop.
As time went by, I could see how God was nurturing that hope. My marriage started to grow in depth, and we began to find our way as a couple again. We continue to grow together spiritually and emotionally, which was lacking before our struggles began.
Psalm 71:14 became a verse that I held tightly to:
[14]As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
On more than one occasion, I told God that though I had a blog, I would not write about marriage – many others did that very well. During our struggles, as I began to find my way, I started to pray that God would allow me to help one other woman on this journey – just one. It would all be worth it if I could encourage someone else.
Hope for the Hurting Wife
I was in a blogging group with a few other women and got to know them very well. One of the ladies had a similar story of God taking her through some trying times in her marriage. She suggested that we consider sharing our stories in the form of a book. After a lot of prayer and preparation, we put together a book to help wives who are in a struggling marriage.
This book is 30 days worth of encouragement for women who find themselves in a marriage full of struggles. This is not a guaranteed fix, as we know that only God can work in hearts to bring about change. However, this is encouragement from two women who have been in the fight and have learned some beneficial lessons through it all.
Some of the topics we cover include:
Moving forward after trauma
How to love when you feel unloved
Protecting your heart
Understanding the power of choice
Trusting God while waiting for redemption
We use stories from our lives and marriages, to share hope with you. While your marriage may be struggling, we know that God can use this time to help you focus on Him, and to grow in your faith. We have learned that our faith is worth this journey, and our marriages are worth fighting for!
Always Have Hope
In my times of reading Psalm 71, I always stopped at verse 14. It was only recently that the Lord nudged me to keep reading. How beautifully verse 15 goes with my life now, as we’ve rebuilt our marriage:
[14]As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.[15]My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long –
though I know not how to relate them all.
No matter what state your marriage is in right now, you can know that there is hope through Jesus. God still has the power to heal, to redeem and to restore our struggling marriages to become godly marriages!
Rebekah co-leads an online community for struggling wives around the world and shares encouragement for those who face the daunting task of surviving the "for worse" of marriage. You can learn more about her ministry to wives at her blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. You can also follow her on social media.
- When All Hope Seems Lost in a Godly Marriage - February 5, 2018
Has the book you mentioned been published? Thank you!
Thank for sharing your story. My wife has been in a dark place and sees no hope. God has brought me through so much and has given me a peace and strength to Trust and have Hope but it has been difficult. I am grateful for so many strong women like you that have shared your stories as there are 99 stories from women compared to 1 from men out there. My hope today is that God will renew our marriage and I will be sharing my story of heartbreak and hope one day to inspire Men.
Thank you for inspiring me to hold on to hope in God in my marriage. I need prayer, but Jesus will keep me through the storms. Also thank you for linking up with us at the #LMMLinkup this past week. I hope you will continue to join us.
Hi Mary, Please know that I’ll be praying for you. The Lord is gracious in continuing to care for us, even through the darkest times. Praying for him to continue to carry you through. Blessings!
Congratulations on your book. It sounds as if it will help many people who are going through trying times.
Thank you, Elise. It’s truly our prayer that God gets this into the hands of women who need encouragement, no matter what state their marriage is in. Blessings!
Thank you for sharing so openly. I also had a lost marriage but I did not stay married because of the abuse. You share beautiful encouragement knowing that hope is not lost. Blessings!
Hi Mary, I absolutely agree with getting out of your marriage when there is abuse. Sometimes it can be worked out, but often it’s simply not a healthy relationship to maintain. May the Lord continue to bless you as you move forward with the life He has planned for you! Blessings!
This is so precious! TY for your heart to help marriages!! Blessings sweet friend! ❤
Thank you, Donna! It’s been a privilege to have space on Angel’s blog to be able to share encouragement. Blessings!
Such an encouraging post of how God can work even when all hope seems lost. It’s a hard thing sometimes to wait and let God work, but trusting Him is the best thing we can do. Spending time in the Bible and praying continually is key, I think, to being able to keep trusting even in the dark.
Thanks for sharing your stories. Blessings! I’m a neighbor at #LMMLinkup.
Hi Gayl, I agree – we’ve got to be staying with the Lord, under the shadow of His wing. We aren’t promised an easy life, but we are promised strength for every step, and the Lord’s new mercies each day! Blessings!
This has been a good room. I have seen many Christian women struggle with situations like these. There is hope, Thanks for this timely piece.
Thank you, Joleisa! I agree – there is hope. Our world seems to shout other messages loudly, but the truth is that with the Lord, there is always hope! Blessings!