Abigail: Using Self-Control
How many times have you ever had a thought like this?
“Oh, I shouldn’t have said that!”
“Why did I do that!”
“I wish I could take that back!”
If you have ever had a thought like that, than guess what? That just makes you human.
Unfortunately, we all have a sin nature that can lead to issues with self-control. This has to be worked toward, and on earth, won’t be mastered. That is where God’s grace comes in!
“Indeed, we have all received grace upon grace from his fullness” John 1:16
One woman of the Bible (who happens to be my favorite) is such a great example to help us work towards self-control.
If you haven’t guessed by the title already, I am talking about Abigail.
Abigail had a crazy life! She was married off to a man named Nabal (whose name literally means “foolish”). Nabal was wicked, evil, and harsh (1 Sam. 25:3). He had a huge business farming sheep, and the Bible tells us that he was very rich.
This must have been so hard for Abigail to be married to a man like this! If you ever have a hard time forgiving your husband, try comparing him to this guy.
Abigail is described as beautiful and intelligent (1 Sam. 25:3). I believe that she was beautiful on the inside too. When I read her story, I see a very gentle, meek, but strong woman.
She controls her actions and words while remaining confident and wise. I love how she is able to make quick, wise choices, while controlling her words with grace.
When I was a kid I had a really harsh tongue. I would let my words fly, even if they were hurtful. I wouldn’t think about the consequences to myself or others.
Any time I was angry, I would be careless my words. I would say things that I didn’t even mean most of the time. I would just dive right in to my anger, and threw self-control out the window.
This stemmed from my father’s side of the family, however, I had to accept responsibility for my own words. Even if I learned or inherited it from someone else.
It took me a few years to wake up and realize how hurtful my words could be!
When I realized that it stemmed from my anger, I took that very seriously. I started to really focus more on self-control, not just of my tongue, but my emotions as well.
When I would get angry I wouldn’t let my tongue take control. I tried to seriously think about what I was going to say (and if I even should or not).
In just one chapter of the book of 1 Samuel, we see Abigail control her tongue at least three times!
The first one is when she hears that David is on his way with 400 men to kill all of the males in her household! She hears this from servants that choose to go to her with this issue instead of her husband.
Her husband was so foolish that those servants weren’t willing to put their lives in his hands (vs.19). Abigail, on the other hand, they trusted.
Abigail responds with immediate action, not complaining. She doesn’t tell the servants that it’s none of her business. She doesn’t explode saying, “That man is so worthless!” She simply acts.
First, she sends food ahead for the angry (or hangry) army. Pro tip: don’t try to reason with a hungry man!
Then, when she meets David, she controls her tongue again. She doesn’t complain, but even owns up to Nabal’s foolishness. She doesn’t whine and wail or present herself as a victim. Instead, she affirms that David is protected by God and that His kingdom is assured.
Abigail uses her words to heal the wounds that Nabal had created.
David is able to see reason from her grace and calls off the invading army.
When they part ways, Abigail has to use self-control yet again. She knows she has to tell Nabal. She just gave away enough food to feed an army, and he is sure to notice.
When she goes home, she finds that Nabal is drunk and feasting. She doesn’t explode at him or complain to her friends that Nabal is so foolish. She reasons that it will be better to tell him when he is sober, so she decided to wait until morning.
The chapter ends with Abigail telling Nabal what she had done, only to have God strike Nabal down! When David hears of it, he asks Abigail to marry him and she says yes!
Abigail had a whirlwind of a day! Through it all, she was able to use self-control with her words. I long to be that meek, wise, and strong woman that Abigail was. She was definitely a Biblical woman of influence!
Abigail’s words were always laced with grace. We never see her use her tongue as a weapon! Instead she uses it to heal. Abigail healed a rift between David and Nabal. She would not have been able to do that if she had just said whatever came to her mind first.
She controlled her words and chose them wisely. The only way that she was able to do that was because of her faith in God.
Self-control can be hard. It takes a lot of work and discipline! However, as we see in Abigail, it can be done. Even in the worst of circumstances!
Everyone struggles with self control in some way. While I have worked really hard to get to a place where my tongue does not take control, I still do slip up. Sometimes when I am ill or overly tired I get snippy and say things that I shouldn’t.
I still work at this everyday! But that’s the thing, self control takes work. You only get out what you put in.
When I take the time to really think about my words and how they could affect the other person, I am much more likely to use self-control. However, if I just let my tongue roll, you can bet I will owe someone an apology.
So, no matter what you struggle with or where you are in your self-control journey, you can always grow in this area!
Here are some practical ways to work towards self-control.
1. Pray before you speak or act.
A lot of my regrets come from initial reactions. The more I think and pray about how to react, the more likely I will choose to react with grace.
When I consult with the God of grace, He will always be faithful to give me wisdom.
“I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with my eye on you, I will give you counsel.” Psalm 32:8
Consult with God, seek His grace, then speak or act.
2. Study God’s Word daily.
When we are in God’s Word consistently, God’s Word lives in us. We are able to rely on the strength and wisdom we need to react with self-control.
Being in God’s Word also means that we get to know His Ways and His Wills. When we fill our head with that knowledge, we will know scripture, and be able to react in a way that is aligned with scripture.
“On that day you will know that I am in my Father, you are in me, and I am in you.” John 14:20
3. When in doubt, stay silent.
Not sure if you should say that slightly snarky but completely true remark? It’s probably best to just stay silent.
If you are questioning whether it is right to say or do, play it safe.
“Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12
4. Repent and ask for forgiveness.
We are all human so we will slip up. When we do this, repent and turn back to God. He will be faithful to give us grace to pick ourselves back up, and start fresh.
“Therefore repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out,” Acts 3:19
5. Give yourself grace.
This is a hard one for me, and may be a hard one for you too. I spend way too much time beating myself up when God has already forgiven my sins. Don’t hold onto the things you have done wrong! Learn from them and move on.
“Now grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.” Ephesians 4:7
Abigail is such a great example of Biblical womanhood! If you want to learn about her humility, how she chose to live her best life, or how to be an Abigail wife (even if you are single), head over to my blog God’s Graces! I will be doing a mini-series on Abigail all week-long!
I hope that you are blessed and inspired by Abigail’s character and self-control!
Before you go, let me know in the comments if you have ever had a crazy day like Abigail’s! How did you respond, and what did God teach you through it?
I document my growth on my blog, godsgracesforalysha.wordpress.com which is all about Biblical Womanhood. I am so passionate about this topic, and would love to see a world where Biblical Womanhood is not afraid to be lived out together!
- Abigail: Using Self-Control - May 14, 2018
Hi Alysha!
Thank you for those 5 ways of self control you shared! Indeed Abigail is one of my favourite women in the bible!
Thanks once again for sharing in such an encouraging way!
Annette
These are wise words! You’re right, we all struggle with something. Thanks for reviewing the story of Abigail. She surely was a great example for us. I used to have a harder time controlling my tongue especially when I was angry. I still struggle sometimes but not nearly as much. Your 5 points are right on.
Blessings to you, Angel and to you Alysha! May God give strength and grace to you both. Thanks for linking up with us at the #LMMLinkup.
I try my best to exhibit self control every day, especially when I want to say what’s really on my mind!
Hey Angel, thanks for linking up with us this week!
I would have to say my favorite is #3 for sure.
I have seen God do miracles and fight on my (and my family’s or friends) behalf with this!
I agree! I have a quick tongue so thinking about what I am going to say really helps me.
Abigail’s example has always really challenged me. Thank you for bringing out the practical application in her story. Very insightful!
Your welcome! I love Abigail. God has directed me to her to me “My” Woman of the Bible. Every time I need some insight, I try and turn to Abigail as my example.
A great post! I was always impressed by Abigail!
Thank You! I am as well!
I had a day like that yesterday! Mother’s Day! I was so excited to be returning home after being gone for a month and a half. But things went bad as soon as we pulled into the driveway. My husband started complaining about a presumed misbehavior of our daughter, which turned out not to true. Then another child came out to the car – before I even had a chance to get out – and complained about something her brother did. I was so disappointed. Then my husband took an unloving attitude toward me. I was done. I had already been under more stress for the previous month than I could handle. My temper erupted. I didn’t say much, but my actions said it all. I was mad! I was disappointed and hurt and I didn’t care who knew it. It was awful. My little girls had dressed up and made cards for me. One daughter was in the process of making cookies for me. It all got ruined as I ran up to my room and locked the door. It only went downhill from there between me and my husband. So yes, I have trouble with self-control sometimes, too. I will be working on that for sure.
This article is so well-written and very important and helpful. Thank you for writing it.
Your Welcome! Also, know that you are not alone in your struggle. My family goes through this exact situation often. I would suggest prayer as your number one piece of armor to fight this!
Self-control does not all come at once. It takes showing up everyday, falling down, then getting back up again. You can do it, though, and I will be praying for you!
Self-control is such a wonderful gift. There have been several times in my life where I so wished I could have unrung the bell but that just doesn’t happen. How much better to yield to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to control the tongue. Thank you for this wonderful post.
Your welcome! The thing about self-control is that it is not actually a gift, it is learned! It takes a lot of hard work and grace from God to do it, but everyone can.
This is coming at a time when I need it most, Alysha. I had something of a meltdown this past week at a church meeting of all places! ha! I apologized the next day to all involved, but really felt like I dishonored the Lord by my lack of self-control. I wish I had been more like Abigail in that moment! Thanks for reminding us of what God can do in and through a woman who trusts Him deeply! And thanks to Angel for sharing your wise words with us all!
I am so glad that it encouraged you! I also had to go through a time when I had to really learn self control. The thing is, I am still learning! Unfortunately, we will never come to a perfection of this here on earth, but with babysetps and grace, we will make it through!
I love the story of Abigail! Very beautiful lady who’s humility and grace kept King David from making a huge mistake. Thank you for your beautiful post!! ❤
Yes she was a huge influence on the future King David! I love how David saw God’s Spirit and wisdom in her and asked her to marry him as soon as she was available. A wise choice on his part!
Great motivational post to start my morning
God’s Word is always the best motivation to start out your day!